Abstinence Only: Bengals, Browns, and Rams Can't Score

The object of the game of football is to score more points than your opponent.

We spend time talking about statistics and gossiping about tradition, but, at the end of the day, it's about putting points on the board.

Right now, three teams in the NFL are averaging fewer than 15 points per game, after having played at least four games.

Cincinnati Bengals (0-4): 13 Points/Game, 231 Yards/Game, –4 Turnover Ratio

"Houshamzilly! Championship!" It seems like a distant memory in 2008. If they played the commercial any more I think I would cry.

Ocho Cinco, ¿dónde están mis puntos?

The Bengals played pretty well against the Giants, so there might be some hope. But all hope involves Carson Palmer playing quarterback.

They have enough problems. If Palmer doesn't play, we will see more mistake-filled games.

Marvin Lewis seems like a nice guy, but it looks like the Bengals' season is already in the bowl. We’re just waiting for the flush.

Cleveland Browns (1-3): 11.5 Points/Game, 210 Yards/Game, +1 Turnover Ratio

Ladies and gentlemen, we have ourselves a quarterback controversy. Derek Anderson has played poorly enough this year to remind Browns fans that they have an expensive local boy sitting on the bench.

Braylon Edwards has the dropsies, and nobody seems to be able to block anybody. All of this makes Jamaal Lewis look very old and mediocre.

If you can't light up the Carson Palmer-less Bengals, whom can you light up in this league? I'd like the Browns to show me.

St. Louis Rams (0-4): 10.8 Points/Game, 246.8 Yards/Game, –3 Turnover Ratio

The Rams can't stop you.

The Rams can't score.

The Rams' head coach is nearly out the door.

I bet you guys didn't expect to miss Mike Martz so much—did ya?

This team and organization are in complete disarray. If I were the owner, I'd start selling off the parts for draft picks while I searched for my replacement GM and Head Coach.

If you don't score, you can't win. These teams can't score.